Ugggh...what a week it's been. What a rough awful week....I'm in a bad headspace, my body is still trying to recover from my third chemo treatment, I feel sick and I feel tired.
Captain Chemo won this round....I've been doing really well with the treatments. Great actually the first two days, when I'm on the special meds. The third day I start folding up like a little rag doll. Gman has to put me in bed, where I stay and sleep and sleep and sleep.
But this time, it wasn't like that. The first two days went OK, but Saturday night, I started going downhill. Too bad because I wanted to go to town and sit in the truck and watch the fireworks....yeah, we missed that. I was sound asleep by the time they started.
Sunday was spent gagging, retching, puking and all those other things that can come along with chemo. OK, Captain Chemo, you win....my defenses are down and I cannot fake it that I am OK. You win, you win...Uncle, Uncle, I muttered over and over, you win.
My stomach felt like it had lead balls rolling around it. My mouth tasted like I had been chewing on a metal flag pole. The only thing I could get down was some chicken broth...
My stomach muscles are still sore....by Monday I felt like I had somewhat rejoined the land of the living. Totally exhausted, couldn't even climb a set of stairs without laying down at the top. But, at least my stomach had settled.
Everyone has their limit, don't they? I mean, we can pretend all we want that we're tough and we can take this and we will beat this...but we're all human. We feel sickness in our bodies just as well as we feel pleasure in our bodies, fitness and illness....
Today physically, I am feeling better. Not great, but better. All I want to get done today is clean my kitchen. This afternoon, I will put a lamb roast in the oven. It'll probably taste like cardboard mixed with wallpaper paste to me, but I'll eat it.
The rest of the day will be spent just...being. I'll nibble on bland food and rest.
Sometimes I think I should only post good things on this blog, but that's not realistic. I have cancer....this IS cancer.
Cancer sucks....
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7 comments:
Oh, I can't imagine. I want to say "hang in there", but I've never been thru chemo, so you might want to answer, "easy for you to say".
I'm glad you're feeling a bit better, and cancer DOES suck. I think it's fair to vent here if it helps. Looking forward to better times for you,
Kathryn (still from Surrey)
Keep your chin up! You are doing GREAT!!
All I can say is hang on and know that others care.
Duchess
~hugs~
"chewing on a metal flag pole" That sound pretty bad! I'm bummed for you. Glad to hear that you're on the up swing now.
Annie, I was waiting and waiting for a post by you and when you made it, I TOTALLY missed it! WHOA! Oh well, I am here now...
I wish I had something wonderful to say. But really other than we care and hang in there, I can't think of much.
It'll soon be all past you and you will look back and say - it wasn't really all that bad. (Ya right who am I trying to kid! LOL)
Soon, really - it WILL be all over.
{{{hugs}}}
Linda
Metal flag poles, with all that great food you have been preserving. Unfortunately, all will taste like that for a while. But... hang in there and know that we are all root'n for you. Lots of hugs and prayers.
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